Posted in Life, Poetry

12 October 2017

I draw breath in a slammer, from day to night.

I continue to exist in a helpless and crestfallen form.

The sun rises and brings hope, but it doesn’t forget to steal it during the dusk.

It was a long time ago, when I concluded being my own sunshine.

My mind has created it’s own personal hell.

My soul rots everyday as, my arms remain clutched by spells that guard, orthodox beliefs.

Maybe I haven’t lost my will to fight. But, it seems like I am losing my reasons to live.

With every day, the darkness inside me magnifies.

The worst moments of my life, have turned into present day monsters.

I feel like running as fast as I can, I want to fall and lose my breath.

I want to sweat and then, struggle to get up. But, I do not want to settle.

I don’t want to sit in this chair.

My heart is an impression of bleak desolation.

It is uninhabited and longs for warmth in the coldness of the world.

This unexplainable murkiness proceeds to construct inside me. -Palak Arora

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Posted in Life

10 October 2017

It’s amusing how tables turn, how havoc enters without being invited in, how moods change, how future collapses and the past seems less horrible. There was a time when I was all alone, there was no one beside me. So, I trained myself to always watch my back, to always believe in myself and above all to own my actions. Whenever, I read a book or watch a movie, I wish to be the hero whereas most people want to be someone who’s saved and cared. I have seen struggle and loneliness it’s lethal yet tempting to me. I possibly cannot figure out a reason, to believe in someone or put my trust in someone. Maybe I never will or maybe someday I might. This complex network of words is a hard place to live. -Palak Arora

Posted in Books, Life, Musings, Thoughts

The Catcher in the Rye

The Catcher in the Rye is one most well relatable books, I have ever read. This isn’t a book review, rather it’s about how I feel after reading it. I feel I am not alone. I feel someone once felt like, just like I feel today. He certainly is a Misanthrope. He hates to entertain stupidity, but is willing to take responsibility for his actions and make things right. But, he ends up being a mess. In his opinion, getting away is the perfect remedy to get rid of his unfortunate situation. Believe me, I feel the exact same way. He does love some people in his life. But, he cannot help but look into the negative, most of the times. He’s a pessimist and thinks about the worst that could happen in a situation. But, he doesn’t analyse things properly and he knowingly ignores the facts sometimes. He is a straight forward person and people take him to be a rude lad. He doesn’t like to get too much into indirectly explaining something to someone, because in his experience people don’t get it. Though, he takes the indirect path quite a couple of times. He’s agitated because the rules and working of this world seem unreasonable to him. His style of storytelling is amazing. Subsequently, the reader feels like he’s listening to a friend. ~Palak Arora

Posted in Musings, Thoughts

When Things Go Wrong 

The blame game has no end.

In my opinion, if, in the beginning of a new life event, one indulges in setting relationships with a lot of people – It is a 98% possibility that he/she might end up hating at least half of them. 

Some people like to entertain it as experience whereas some may say that it’s a part of getting out of a situation of addiction. 

The truth is, we try on people. Just like clothes. In life, we have to spend a great deal of time in the Try Room, than in a Clothing Store. 

They say that Video Games are a great analogy for life. But, I feel Life is a great analogy for Life itself. 

We take people in the Try Room. We judge them. We analyse them, and see, if they are the right fit, if they are the real deal. If we like them, we buy them or else, we leave them for someone else to buy them. At some point, they get destroyed, so, we throw them or mend them. It’s all a matter of feelings and priorities. 

~Palak Arora 

Posted in Introspection, Life, Personal Blog, Story

Navel-Gazing

Autumn. The phase which marks the taking over of winter over summer. The trees shed leaves and the temperature cools down. The nights transpire early and the days take their time.

The fall of 2016, involved various dramatic changes and a complete turn of events. I was struggling to get over a major heartbreak. I was confused and annoyed by my own thoughts. I was seeking love and revenge, at the same time. I was in 12 grade, which means a huge load of pressure was pointing out my actions, while sitting on my shoulders.  My best friend had shifted to another city. I was not in the middle of a chaos. I was the chaos, itself. The hurly-burly of the situation, was failing in keeping me busy. When chaos fails to engross ourselves, we become the chaos.

The major examinations had commenced their march and I had hooked up with my good friend – Mark Williams. Most of our friends, were involved in our relationship. (One way or the other) After one week, that guy seemed to ruffle my feathers. He was too clingy and he was getting rapidly serious. In addition to this, I still had feelings for my ex and I wasn’t looking for anything serious. My hackles had risen and I needed to bust-up. We had to become estranged. Unfortunately, the timing was bad. I had informed his best friend – Baron Jones, beforehand. He had already told him. So, Mark started sobbing and the situation remained serious for a month. Predictably, I was the bitch after the sobbing scenario.

Things were precarious, yet stable, until one day. A girl in the pitiful ‘Hate Club’ commenced asking questions about my personal life from others. She started discussing me. This rattled my cage and got my goat. I abused and warned her. The next day, I was sitting on a bench and scrolling down the news feed. The girl arrived along with her gang. I had no friend, beside me. There was no option, except facing them. I had to maintain my point and defend the position. I had to protect the words. I quarreled with all the available resources. In my opinion, I think I won the conflict of words. I have been training myself for years. But, I own that I broke Mark’s heart. I was wrong but somewhere, so they were too. Fortunately, I don’t regret my actions and I have some lessons, that I will never forget. It was just a phase.

They almost ruined my 17 th birthday. Printed and burnt my stories, tales, quotes and poems. After this, I filtered the people in my life. Kept the positive and dumped the negative. We just got to guard our minds and hearts. We need to believe in ourselves. No victory can be ever achieved, without one’s belief in oneself. Those people out there, they never believed I could write. They treated it like trash. I don’t believe in them, I believe in myself and I believe I can do whatever I want.

“You may try to imitate my work.

You may try to surpass me.

You may ridicule my work.

You may criticize my work by using irony or sarcasm.

You may do this because of the violent and uncontrollable anger, that resides in your heart.

You may do this because you secretly aspire to become like me.

You may hold strong aversion against me, but I will always pity you.

You may try to sway me, but  you will never  succeed at it, because I embody the features of water.

I will slide from your hands and enter back into the river of greatness.

I was born to be extraordinary and my meticulous nature has lead me into this river.

I will flow until I reach the ocean, because I am destined to live a remarkable life.

The blemishes on my body are an evidence of my struggle.

This is who I am and I will always be ready to run on fire because I feel there is always a room for enhancement.” ~Palak Arora

 

 

Posted in Life, Love, Musings

‘The One’

Somebody made me believe in love. Somebody made me believe that I could write. Somebody once said,” Eh…You can become a great writer or poet.” Somebody who had never read poetry with interest. Somebody who claimed to love me. Somebody who I knew for just an year. Somebody who would teach me great life lessons. Somebody who would soon betray me.

Most things, situations, feelings, musings, people are a lie. Sometimes, even truth contains a layer of lie. There’s only one truth – Me. I am the only belief that can be accepted by me as truth. Whom could I truly pin my trust on, than me? People are a lie. They can’t be trusted. One can read the mind, but not the heart. The path to the heart, involves everything from life to death. You cannot read someone’s heart until and unless, ‘the someone’ is ‘the one’. Believe me or not, there is always a chance for error and doubt. You cannot love someone deeply and truly until you face the ‘game changer’ – ‘Death’. We can watch the slide show of our life, right before our eyes. We can feel things. We have nothing to lose and we are not scared. Our heart mouths all the blessings, that one can ever give. But, these blessings is just for – ‘The One’.

I haven’t met the One. This is just a theory. I don’t know what it feels like to meet ‘The One.’ I have no clue. I just believe ‘The One’ exists somewhere. I just believe. ~Palak Arora

Posted in Life, Oblivion, Personal Blog, Thoughts

August 4, 2017

The time is – 23:57 and I have been trying to sleep since an hour. I am not able to get a thought out of my head.

So lately, I have been reading Leo Tolstoy’s ‘Anna Karenina’ and this line has seriously opened the doors of my mind. The line is – “There was no answer, except the general answer life gives to all the most complex and insoluble questions. That answer is: one must live for the needs of the day, in other words, become oblivious.” There are two thoughts which have been kicking me in my genitals. In order to understand them, we need to get acquainted with the background.

First: I have absolutely nothing to do for another 7 months. I have been struggling through my studies since the past two and a half years. I didn’t like my high school subjects. I faced a lot of humiliation. So, finally when I am out of school with a good percentage – I am still not happy. Because, I applied for July Intake in my dream University. I got admission but, I had to defer it since I am under 18. So, most probably I will be joining university in February. So, I have been at home since a long time now. I have gained like 10 Kilograms of weight in 6 months. My parents shout at me, because I have absolutely nothing to do. So, this increases my emotional stress. There are no specific courses available in my town. I can’t even work because of my age. I want to learn French or other foreign languages, but I am the only student, so teachers aren’t agreeing. So, I have concluded that I will have to go with the flow.

Second: The word which has been bothering me is:Oblivious. The word means being unaware or unconscious. Since the last 2 months, I have been unknowingly Oblivious, to almost, every situation in my life. This includes my university too. I wasn’t that desperate or excited, I should have been. The fact is, I broke up with people unnecessarily. Since an year, I have been walking out of relationships – without an explanation. I didn’t speak when I should have spoken, in fact I spoke when it was too late. This doesn’t imply that- all of the break ups fit into the previous statement. This also doesn’t mean that I am left with no friends, I do have friends. In fact, now, I can tell anything to my friends. Because, ‘The Friends’ are a couple of people, whom I can fully trust. Those terrible 2.5 years have taught me various lessons. One of them is – Never be silent, when somebody hurts you. Speak and revolt. If it is going to destroy you, leave it rather than talking yourself into the trouble. It takes a great deal of time to get over a major heartbreak and it is worth it. In addition to this, never seek revenge because in my opinion, “Revenge acts as an invitation to more trouble.” And you know what, believe me or not, life goes on and eventually the pain turns extinct. Plus, do not forget that – Hormones act in a crazy manner and we should never be ashamed to admit it.

So, I need to be grateful, to learn and above all enjoy every bit of life. I need to imagine and picture myself on the top of my game. ~Palak Arora