Autumn. The phase which marks the taking over of winter over summer. The trees shed leaves and the temperature cools down. The nights transpire early and the days take their time.
The fall of 2016, involved various dramatic changes and a complete turn of events. I was struggling to get over a major heartbreak. I was confused and annoyed by my own thoughts. I was seeking love and revenge, at the same time. I was in 12 grade, which means a huge load of pressure was pointing out my actions, while sitting on my shoulders. My best friend had shifted to another city. I was not in the middle of a chaos. I was the chaos, itself. The hurly-burly of the situation, was failing in keeping me busy. When chaos fails to engross ourselves, we become the chaos.
The major examinations had commenced their march and I had hooked up with my good friend – Mark Williams. Most of our friends, were involved in our relationship. (One way or the other) After one week, that guy seemed to ruffle my feathers. He was too clingy and he was getting rapidly serious. In addition to this, I still had feelings for my ex and I wasn’t looking for anything serious. My hackles had risen and I needed to bust-up. We had to become estranged. Unfortunately, the timing was bad. I had informed his best friend – Baron Jones, beforehand. He had already told him. So, Mark started sobbing and the situation remained serious for a month. Predictably, I was the bitch after the sobbing scenario.
Things were precarious, yet stable, until one day. A girl in the pitiful ‘Hate Club’ commenced asking questions about my personal life from others. She started discussing me. This rattled my cage and got my goat. I abused and warned her. The next day, I was sitting on a bench and scrolling down the news feed. The girl arrived along with her gang. I had no friend, beside me. There was no option, except facing them. I had to maintain my point and defend the position. I had to protect the words. I quarreled with all the available resources. In my opinion, I think I won the conflict of words. I have been training myself for years. But, I own that I broke Mark’s heart. I was wrong but somewhere, so they were too. Fortunately, I don’t regret my actions and I have some lessons, that I will never forget. It was just a phase.
They almost ruined my 17 th birthday. Printed and burnt my stories, tales, quotes and poems. After this, I filtered the people in my life. Kept the positive and dumped the negative. We just got to guard our minds and hearts. We need to believe in ourselves. No victory can be ever achieved, without one’s belief in oneself. Those people out there, they never believed I could write. They treated it like trash. I don’t believe in them, I believe in myself and I believe I can do whatever I want.
“You may try to imitate my work.
You may try to surpass me.
You may ridicule my work.
You may criticize my work by using irony or sarcasm.
You may do this because of the violent and uncontrollable anger, that resides in your heart.
You may do this because you secretly aspire to become like me.
You may hold strong aversion against me, but I will always pity you.
You may try to sway me, but you will never succeed at it, because I embody the features of water.
I will slide from your hands and enter back into the river of greatness.
I was born to be extraordinary and my meticulous nature has lead me into this river.
I will flow until I reach the ocean, because I am destined to live a remarkable life.
The blemishes on my body are an evidence of my struggle.
This is who I am and I will always be ready to run on fire because I feel there is always a room for enhancement.” ~Palak Arora